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09 January 2009

Midnight Run
Contemporary Art Horse Palette Knife Daily Painting by Laurie Justus Pace

24 x 30 x 2 inches of acrylic and oil overlays.
Contact me to purchase or commission one of your own size and colors: Laurie

Well the squirrels did not visit last night and I had 8 hours of sleep. YEAH and did I say Thank you Lord?

I am waiting a canvas delivery to start some commission pieces of Koi and of horses and today I must clean for the shower for Stacey tomorrow. I am still concentrating on the thoughts of boundaries and conflict.

I have almost finished the book, Setting Boundaries for your Adult Children, and decided this is actually information that mothers and fathers need to have from the beginning when the child is born. The enabling actions of always saving your child are seeded early in their lives. Easy examples are: rushing left homework up to school when the child forgets it; OR running their lunch up to school because they irresponsibly forgot it. When you begin to be too controlling in your child's life and try and make their life be the perfect life with the perfect child, you are crippling your child. Those crippled children grow up to be crippled adults. They never learned any coping skills because you ran circles around them making sure everything was always all right. After all, you wanted them to have the highest grades, participate in the most sports, play with the most popular, and be liked by everyone. You never allowed them the experience of failure and consequences that occur naturally with the lessons of life. You only want them to succeed. They have to fail many times before they can find success.

My generation was suppose to be the one that was inspired by decision making by giving our children limited choices but allowing them to choose and make decisions and participate. We grew out of strict disciplining from our parents and swore we would never be so rude to our own children. Somehow that backfired; by us choosing the predetermined choices for them, they never truly learned to sort out a situation to make a healthy decision from life itself.

Hey, I am at the front of the line of enabling parents. Somehow reading this book has encouraged me to realize that I can have a life and not feel responsible for these adult children anymore. My Mom and Dad never paid my rent, co-signed on a vehicle, college loan or an apartment, or paid for any of my bills. My mom and dad never had to answer the phone and hear that recording of "Would you accept a collect call from an inmate at the county jail?" My parents would have never bailed me out of jail, or out of any other situation I managed to get myself into. How many of you have moved your adult children several times? How many of you have adult children still living at home? How many of you chime in constantly on voicing your opinion about what they are doing in their lives as if you still want an investment vote? Our adult children are really good at manipulation. They have had years of practice knowing how to get us into action to benefit them. They have learned to rationalize every situation to make them be the injured party and make us feel we have to save them.

Occasionally in an enabling family you are blessed with a child that somehow gets life despite your "protection" and learns to live as a normal adult. These children are usually more compassionate and have a gifted ability for problem solving. Go figure.

I have chosen this year to invest in God first, and then myself and my husband. I choose not to have a woven interest in the survival of our adult children when it involves money. I choose not to participate in their melodramas as they cannot make right and wrong decisions that are simple no-brainers. Yes, I feel a bit guilty as I have allowed this to happen, but I am strong in the Lord knowing HE will provide for my adult children. I no longer have to. I have to honor my commitment to God, keeping my eyes on Jesus at all times and walk away from the chaos knowing my heart will eventually mend. I cannot save someone else, I can only save myself. I will keep my eyes on Him.

Terry and I have been praying together on this as we are putting together our boundaries for the new year. Everyone needs boundaries. This applies to not just adult children, but to all relationships in your life. We all have situations with friends and coworkers that we can enforce our personal boundaries, protecting ourselves from added stress. We CHOOSE what we accept to be involved in. Actions speak louder than words. Our behavior is testimony to who we are and how we think. I will let go and let God.

Food for thought....

Joy and Abundance,


"So if you are standing before the altar in the Temple, offering a sacrifice to God, and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, Leave your sacrifice there beside the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person Then come and offer your sacrifice to God." Matthew 5:23-24

1 comment:

Grammie Jan said...

I am proud of you!

Laurie Justus Pace Contemporary Texas Artist


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